MOPS....

If you are after an exciting post about mops to wash the floor with - then I'm really sorry - this post is not for you :P

If you would like to instead have an update on how I'm doing... then read on... I will get to that :)

Firstly may I just say - sheesh - what a lot of traffic over here at my blog over the last couple of days!!!
-Do you want to know a secret?! I had no idea when I wrote my "big spill" of a post on Sunday that that I was going to be part of the Sew Mama Sew Giveaway... And if I HAD known, I really doubt I would have had the guts to put it out there...
Um, let me clarify - I had enquired to be part of it on Saturday morning but had missed the cut off. They didn't get back to me so I assumed that I hadn't enquired in time...
Time passed....
I forgot all about it....
Spilled my guts like never before...
and low and behold I get added to the giveaway list...

AHHHH!!

Luckily I found out really quickly! Enter me running around like a looney trying to summon up a giveaway post. What a shemozzle!

Do you know it took all my strength after that not to take that post down!! But I'm so glad that I didn't. Over the few days it was out there, and everyone was coming for the giveaway, I had some heart wrenching emails from other people thanking me for putting it all out there, because it was exactly how they were feeling too! They were appreciative to know they weren't the only ones feeling that way... So I resolved to myself that even if I helped one person by letting them know that they're not alone in those feelings, it was worth the small dent in my pride to do it. Still, not exactly what I'd planned. God sure has a sense of humour!

Anyway on to MOPS...
MOPS is a new group that I went to for the first time today and stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. It is a group that is run by the new church we are trying and it exists solely to support mums. Today I went along for the first time and all I can say is WOW...

Firstly - diet coke, chocolate muffins, friends & a craft session - what could be more up my alley?!

But secondly, I got a really practical lesson, in just how much God is providing for me at the moment and has my back...

Due to some really unfortunate circumstances the program that was scheduled for today had to be changed at the last minute. And guess what the session was all about instead: 

- A mothers web of support. 

**Ding ding... SO where I was at!!

And do you know what else?
It seemed to be SO where everyone else was at as well... !
I got to meet a whole bunch of other mums who were looking for the same thing I was - friendship, surrogate family & support! It was humbling to hear their stories. Hear their struggles. Share their struggles. Feel their pain. And in the process forget about my pain!
It was a reminder that to have a good friend, we must first be a good friend.

I met other mums who were also from elsewhere and finding it tough without family nearby. One who had only been here a few weeks. And guess what - her husband works away in the Navy! 2 small children, no support network, husband away... There's an opportunity to be a good friend and help out someone else right there!

So I'm feeling good as I go back home to NZ for a visit. Confident now that I will be strong enough to come back again.
And thank you Mrs T for reminding me that that is not an option and that you will never forgive me if I don't come back! Good to know ;P

So it is my prayer to you, that if you are feeling isolated and lonely like me; share it with someone. Don't keep it to yourself! Write it down even if you can. There is no power in keeping a "brave face" but there is power and cleansing in getting it out there. And ask for help.

Lots of love

PS this was our craft this week: A cute wee journal. - I think I may have just found my favourite day of the week! ;)

Give away Closed... & a winner...

Right - I'm calling time. 9pm Western Australia Standard time on May 25th and the giveaway is now closed (so that hopefully I can mail it before I fly out Friday).

The lucky winner is:

Lizzie said...
107 *SQUEEEEE* My son would LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE this fabric!

Thanks so much for the giveaway!

Congratulations Lizzie! I will be in touch!!

Sew Mama Sew Giveaway...

Yay it's Sew Mama Sew Giveaway time again... I love giveaway time - what a lot of fun, and a great way to find some more inspiring blogs :) (You can find the master giveaway lists here... here... and here...

If you are here for the first time then welcome!!

When pondering what to offer as my giveaway this year I was a bit stuck at first. But it didn't take me too long to get unstuck... I don't know about you, but I really struggle to find great fabrics for boys!!
Boys just seem to miss out a lot of the time!
However, in the last couple of weeks I have found a couple of great fabrics for boys and I thought I'd share a bit of the love...

So, up for grabs in my giveaway I have 4 generous sized fat quarters of the following boy prints:

I also have some scraps of Riley blake's All Star 2 range which I will include in the package for you, but don't have a picture of those sorry...

Entry is simple: Just leave me a comment.
- If you can recommend any other great boy fabrics available at the moment that would be much appreciated, but it's not compulsory.

Best of luck guys! :)

PS Thank you so much everyone who commented on yesterday's post. I really really appreciate it, and feel so much better just for getting it out there! Will endeavor to email you all my personal thanks soon, but in the meantime just know that I love & appreciate you guys!!!!!! xx

The "Working Away" Life... A Time & Motion Study...

Since I started this blog I haven't really made a secret about the fact that my Husband works away for his job... but I also haven't exactly talked a lot about it, why he does it, and ever really been open about the impact that it has on us as a family...
This week I have been in a situation to do some really deep self-examination.
...Of the yucky kind!...
...The kind I try and avoid thinking about!...
...But of the necessary kind!...

So I thought today that I might talk about it a little more. As hard as it is, it will be good for me to open up about the true impact and the "cost" that Neil's working away has on me and our family...
... not really even just opening up about it, but for a change acknowledging & accepting it myself...
because it does come at a high cost to me!

The first thing that people usually say to me when I tell them that Neil works away for 4 weeks out of every 5 (4 weeks away working 10 + hour days, 1 week at home on "rest and relaxation" break), is "wow, I don't know how you do it..."
Everyone says it! ... If I had a dollar...!
My usual response is "you just do it..."  which is the truth... but it's the really short truth! (and the "brave face" truth!)

What I really feel like saying is... "I don't know how I do either!",
because the reality of it all, when acknowledged, is pretty grim!

This week I was caused to rethink about why we started down this journey in the first place..
... Like most families who choose for the husband to work away, it all started for us because of the $$$. (Lets face it - I can't actually think of any other reasons why you'd want to!)(Eta: Obviously not referring to husbands in service to their country- that's a different issue) At the time when we made the decision we had a brand new baby, a huge mortgage, other debt, and very low income potential in the small town that we lived in New Zealand. We couldn't sell our house because of the drop in the market without losing unimaginable amounts of money, so we felt we had 2 options available to us....

Either we could both work full time & Neil could work a second job as well, OR, we could move to Australia where the money was considerably better and Neil would work away for a time while we paid off some debt, (and supposedly the economy improved).

It has always been important to us that I stay at home full time with the children, so we went for option B. We knew very realistically that it would come at a high cost to our family, but we also knew that of the 2 options, if we did it for a short time, that it would be the most promising in terms of future possibility... And it also had the added benefit of Neil gaining a valuable qualification while doing it!

It is 3 years exactly since we made that decision...

During that time our reason for doing it hasn't changed. Our need for doing it unfortunately hasn't changed. But our capacity for surviving doing it has decreased significantly!!...
You would think that perhaps over time it would get easier, but seemingly the opposite is true.

I like to think of myself as a girl who focuses on the positives. I try and focus on the good side of people and situations. So I don't often acknowledge or talk about this side of my life: How much I miss Neil. Just how much it actually breaks my heart to see my kids miss him. Just how much I feel like only half a person without him by my side. How hard it is not to have someone we love walk through the door at 5pm and give us a change of scene and a break from each other. How hard it is getting no time away from my kids...
Partly I don't talk about this because I'm aware that before long I will probably sound whingy, and noone likes a whinger!... but also partly because it's just too painful to!!!

But over time the weariness of it all has set in, and little by little I have noticed that small integral pieces of me have faded away...
It happened so slowly that over time (months) I didn't even notice. But the changes happened none the less...
... motivation to do things slowly decreased...

... things around the house started to slip - all of a sudden bedtimes stories have become a thing of the past, the frequency I bath the kids seems to have stretched out somewhat, the dishes start to stay around for longer & feel like more of a chore than usual, the washing starts to pile up more, the dog needs a bath, my temper is a lot shorter than usual...

These little indicators don't seem like much - but for a girl who likes to have everything in order and a tidy house they are a big deal, and they are obvious indicators of worse issues...

... missing playgroup, not phoning a friend, declining offers of invitations, missing mothers group, no energy to sew or create, withdrawal from blogging & other social media (and not for healthy reasons)... withdrawal from family and friends... withdrawal from pretty much everything I usually love...

 All because it's just.too.hard.

In other words I S O L A T I N G myself with depression....

These are all things that I've been experiencing in the last couple of months.
I just haven't told anyone about it.

Mostly because I chose not to acknowledge that it was happening.

It turns out that's a really bad idea!

Without acknowledging that I had a problem, I in turn caused further isolation. I became a crappy wife, mother and friend - Self absorbed. Depressed. Selfish. Exhausted. Unstable. I ended up pushing people away that I didn't mean to...
And I am sorry that I let it get as bad as I did before accepting that I needed to acknowledge it as a problem and take action!

***

We still have 7 months at least to survive of Neil working away.
That is how long he has left of his apprenticeship.

To be honest I am not sure how I'm going to survive it! But now that I have acknowledged within myself & to other people that I have a problem, that I am struggling and that I am depressed, I know I will be better equipped to survive. We have also taken some other steps this week. Mainly the hard & massive step to move from our much loved & cherished church, and into a smaller one, with some regular groups that I can join, and which will hopefully make it harder for me to slip into isolation again!
Hard steps.
Brave steps.
But steps that are already proving helpful to me in moving forward!

And with faith, and with support, and now that I've acknowledged that I have a problem, hopefully the knot in the pit of my stomach will slowly fade, and with that fade my strong cheerful former self will return!!

So that is our journey. That is my daily battle.
I am looking forward to the time where I can look back and say how much stronger I am for going through this. But for the meantime I'm taking one baby wobble in front of the other in order to get through...

Would I recommend that other families decided to start the "working away" life??!!....
I really doubt that I ever would!

Will it be worth it for us in the long run??....
I am still confident that it will.
I have to be!

Quilting 101...

Wow this post is SO overdue... it's been on my to-do list for way too long... Apologies to everyone who has asked me for this information for taking so long!!

... I have had a number of people ask me recently if I can do some tutorials on beginner quilting and how to get started. I'd love to say yes, but at the same time there is so much great information out there already, I don't think I would have any extra value to add... (especially since I am pretty much an 100% internet tutorial & self taught quilter/sewer!) So since there is no point in "reinventing the wheel" so to speak, instead it would be my pleasure to recommend some really great resources for quilting, to help anybody who is interested get started...

Another Australian Blogger Bec is running a quilting 101 course at the moment over at her blog Chasing Cottons. She is up to week 4, of the 12 week course. It is an amazing course, and is perfect for the beginner to learn all about quilting. I'm sure everybody will get something from it though, so I highly recommend having a look-see!!

Another good series going on at the moment is by Sandi from Piecemeal Quilts. She is running a Skill Builder Series at the moment in partnership with another blogger Jeanne over at Grey Cat Quilts.
This is also a great course. It adds a different flavour & some different info, so is worth checking out as well!

If you don't already know of Sew Mama Sew, then that is also a great blog with a wealth of tutorials. They are also putting a bit more emphasis on skill building at the moment.

You will also notice a couple of new buttons down the right hand side of my blog... quilting bloggers & the rpq patchwork & quilting blogger list. If you are interested in being blown away with inspiration and what other online quilt bloggers are making - then those are 2 lists that you will be wanting to check out! Many many of the bloggers on these lists have produced excellent tutorials. It's all a matter of what you are wanting to learn really...

If anyone has any other questions please feel free to ask

What you will find about quilting is that there are so many different ways to do it, different "schools" (so to speak) and different styles. In my opinion there is no one "right" way to quilt. Therefore I would recommend to anyone interested in quilting, that at first you do focus on learning to be good at the basics - like cutting, fabric choice, 1/4 inch seams, piecing and accuracy. As you do this you will soon find the style and and method that best suits you and what you love to make.

The most important ingredient in learning to quilt is that you have fun while you're doing it!! :)
Hope all this helps... and if you know of any other great free online classes happening at the moment I would love to know! 

Happy 3rd Birthday Princess Hannah!

** warning... photo heavy post of my children follows....

Today my beautiful Hannah turned 3.
... Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl! You make my life so rich, and I adore you always!...

As exhausted as I am tonight while I write this, I am also warmed to my toes because of how special the day was and how fun it was to totally spoil her for the day!! I think she will have a really happy but exhausted slumber tonight :)

The day started early with my youngest variable alarm going off at about 6.30am. Usually Hannah is the first to wake, so I made the most of this rare opportunity and woke her with a snuggle. She was most excited to hear that her birthday had finally come and that I had a big surprise waiting for her in the kitchen... her instructions were to stay in bed for a minute while I got everything ready (aka got my camera ready to take pictures for her daddy) and called her to come...
This was her reaction when she saw her surprise...

Such joy at seeing these hanging above her seat at the table...

She is princess and balloon mad - so these made her hear sing...
Next stop opening the presents that were waiting for her at the table...

complete and utter elation...

Some new clothes from her English Great-Granny, and a new pettiskirt from Mummy & Daddy meant a quick change into princess clothes for the day.... not exactly what I would have chosen as a perfect match for each other - but who can argue with a princess on her birthday!
... on to opening more princess themed presents...

Really fancy wrapping huh! - I am going for an environmentally friendly theme this year.... (which is the other way of saying that I was up late working on some orders to go out today and ran out of time to do the wrapping  ;) Hannah didn't seem to mind one bit!)

Meanwhile Abbie enjoyed herself in typical baby fashion and got busy playing with all the boxes... long may that stage last lol...

 

Then it was time for a quick play before playgroup. After we returned from playgroup this is how she looked for most of the rest of the day...

This evening we shared a meal with some of our besties.
Then her special day was completed with a skype call to daddy while we cut the cake...

See how much Abbie loves to talk to her Daddy on skype!! I don't think he was best pleased though that his piece of the cake had to be virtual ;) ...

Thank you to everybody who has sent Hannah birthday wishes & gifts and contributed to making her day absolutely fabulous!!! She was truly spoilt and we are very grateful to everybody! ... Now I just have a bit of a job to do to try and explain that birthdays only happen once per year ha!

Yummy Yummy mail...

Two days in a row this week I've had such yummy mail arrive, woo hoo! New fabric makes me so happy! So I'm feeling very inspired to go start sewing.... if only I was not so tired and could actually sew without feeling like I was going to put the needle through my finger... Abbie seems to be getting some teeth this week, which is not so cool for my sleep allowance...

Firstly I ordered some more yellows... my stash is very empty of yellows for some reason. Despite the fact that it's such a happy nice colour. So that had to be fixed...

The 3 on the left I ordered but the 2 on the right came in the scrap pack I ordered. I love how Hawthorne Threads do that - whenever I order a scrap pack at the same time as some other fabric, the scrap pack always seems to coordinate. I don't know whether they do it intentionally - but I suspect so because it happens every time I order!  (I may be a little bit addicted to scrap packs... they are a really affordable way to boost your stash with variety!)

Then there is a happy rainbow of tufted tweets. I think these will be really great rainbow blenders...

Then there are my girly prints which I ordered for me...

 

Some more scraps...

This time a cool pack...

Then some fabrics for making quilts & products for business. I was so excited to order some of these prints from Laurie Wishburn's new pooches and pickups line...

How great will those look for some personalized boy quilts?!
I usually struggle to find good boy fabrics but I've found some great ones this month!!

And some cupcakes...

Definitely time to put my purse away hey!! Maybe I should check myself in to fabric addict anonymous lol...

PS do my photos look better? Didn't do a thing to them for a change... usually I have to adjust them all and they still end up looking rubbish. How nice not to have to do that anymore!!

My creative space...

As I write this I am trying to ignore my 2 children "protesting" at being put to bed for their nap. Go to sleep children.... go to sleeeeeeeeppppppp....... you are getting vveeeerrryyyyy sleeeepppyyyyy....
Trouble is they are both too tired now that they won't go to sleep. Grrrr....

Anyway I digress ;)

This week it has felt great to be back in front of my sewing machine again! I am behind in some other jobs, but it can't all be done at once, and sometimes it's nice to go back to doing the thinks you enjoy most don't you reckon?!
...And what better thing to be sewing than some gorgeous handbags!!?? I have loved designing a bag for my Goodie bag swap partner! Here is my practice bag:

And the inside:

I'm very happy with how neatly it all came together! It looks even more awesome in real life. It is now listed in my shop if you are interested...

Unfortunately the real deal didn't come together quite as nicely, because I changed how I pulled it through and now the top is a big wavey. Big boo hoo!! Am I the only one that does this - perfect it on the practice and then stuff up the real thing?! ... Luckily I think it can be suitably fixed... I'm going to put a magnetic clasp in the middle and a covered button over the top. - I look forward to showing you that one once my swap partner has received it - if she saw that fabric she would totally figure out it was for her I'm sure, and we can't have that can we...

more creative spaces to check out over here...

and nope... children still not asleep *sigh...

Bloggers Quilt Festival

It's Blogger Quilt Festival time again - YAY!
Blogger's Quilt Festival, for those who may not have heard of it before, is an event put on by the lovely Amy of Amy's Creative Side. It is an opportunity for us to each share a quilt with everyone. One that is special to us. It's not a competition... rather an opportunity to celebrate our quilts. I love it! So much great inspiration! Thank you Amy for putting on this great event!

Last year some of you may remember, I bravely shared my very first quilt. A quilt very basic in nature, but extremely dear to me, because it was the quilt that started this whole journey for me!
... This year I would like to share my quilt. Well - I suppose technically I should say "our" quilt - since it belongs to my husband too ;P ... Anyway my/our quilt is really one of the only quilts that I've kept for myself. It adorns our bed and I delight in snuggling under it daily:

I made this quilt as part of a "quilt as you go" quilt along with Penny from sewtakeahike. It is my biggest quilt to date - 42 x 13.5 inch finished squares. (Do the math as you will lol...) - in other words it's approx queen sized.
I finished this quilt last October, just prior to the last bloggers quilt festival actually. But at the time I was a little "over" it. It was hours and hours of work and towards the end I really did have to push myself to finish it. I made it in 2 stages. Stage 1 I was heavily pregnant with Abbie, & stage 2 she was a tiny baby.
But now, 7 months later, I am in total appreciation of all that work I put in, and OH so glad that I pushed myself to finish it!

I {love} it!

And I think that it may actually be the first time that I have had the same cover on my bed for 7 months in a row (I get bored easily). To me that shows the love.

Here are some more pics of it:

I wish I had a picture of the whole thing - but it's pretty hard to capture a quilt this size in detail.

Enjoy the rest of the quilt festival! - and if you are new here then thanks so much for stopping by!

Totally worth the wait!!!!!!

I have wanted a new camera for the LONGEST time! Pre having children I used to have a really nice Canon SLR, but unfortunately when I gave up {paid} work and we moved to Australia I had to give it back - because it was a business lease. The only thing I had to replace it was a little point and shoot camera. Lovely and light when out and about, but far superior in terms of image quality to what I had... and we all know how hard it is to go backwards!!

But alas, after 2 years of being patient, I have finally managed to convince my hubby it was time twist hubby's arm hard enough and yesterday became the lucky owner of a Canon 550D... it is a "business expense" after all!! ;)   So far I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I could do with a slightly more decent zoom lense  {that will definitely have to wait for more funds} but even with the fixed lense I have and the budget level zoom lense, it still takes a very nice photo!

Now just to learn how to use it!! - that's the tricky part ;)

Here is a selection of shots from my first play. At this stage I have not read any instructions, literally taken it out of the box, pointed and shooted. Light was fading fast and 2 children had hungry tummies, so time and patience was limited. Given all those facts I am SO impressed!
My children are the most beautiful children in the world anyway (of course I may be just a little biased...) but I think you'll agree that these shots make them look positively good enough to eat - dirty faces and all...

Off to relearn how to take photos....

It's the little things....

You may have noticed that it's been a little quieter here than usual. Or more sporadic anyway...
... part of that, as you know, is that I've been super busy...
BUT
Another part of that, that I haven't shared before with you, is that I've been feeling a bit discouraged about the blogging world. I haven't shared it here before, because well I have been trying to push through it, and also quite frankly it is disappointing to talk about!!!

It's quite possible that you have no clue what I'm talking about. Good! So pleased for you!
For those of you who are don't know what I'm referring to... - I'm talking about the "them and us - modern vs traditional" debate, the "dumbing down of quilting" debate, and just the general nastiness that is going around at the moment.

In the past I've always thought of "blogland" as an incredibly encouraging, supportive, and inspiring place. I've met so many truly amazing friends on here. So it was such a disappointment to find all this "ick" and just generally really unnecessary negativity flying around. It kind of discouraged me and caused me to withdraw a bit. Because really - who likes to be reminded about how vulnerable they are by putting themselves, and their work out there so publically?! I subscribe to the school of "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all"... and also the school of "why can't we all just have fun and respect each others art"... I have no time for "quilt police" (or any other kind of craft police for that matter)...

Wouldn't life be boring if we all did everything the same way?!

Anyway today I had a totally unexpected random act of kindness done to me, which has really put some light back in my bloggy dark...
...I started sewing long after the "flea market fancy" craze (which is a popular fabric line by Denise Schmidt) and I've always been a bit gutted about that. It's just such a lovely line - and really lends itself to rainbow effects, which if you follow me you'll know that I am mad on...

Well today a package turned up in my mailbox...
Totally unexpected...
Totally undeserved really...
But totally loved!!

One of my friends from my sewing bee, knowing how much I loved flea market fancy, sent me this:

A cheerful little scrap pack of flea market fancy print...
{love} in an envelope...
just {because}...

What an absolute star she is!!
Not only has she blessed me with some really coveted scraps of goodness, but she has also refreshed my memory at what I love about "blogland" and why I started blogging in the first place!!! - you meet some completely awesome people, friends, who you wouldn't otherwise have the pleasure of meeting.

When you focus on that... the "being judged" floats away and doesn't matter so much anymore.

So THANK YOU so much Allie.
For everything!
- For your totally kind and thoughtful gift, for being your generous self and for reminding me why I started this journey in the first place!

Quilting in my Pyjama's...

Shhhh..... so this week I've been working a lot in my pyjama's. It's often just easier that way, and certainly it's more comfortable!! But moreso the creative "zing" just seems to come more abundantly. Maybe it's because it is because I relax more...
... It's something my husband has never understood... He gets that from his mother (and haha she reads this - will she be brave enough to comment and dispute me ;) lol...). But I get it from my mum - she has been known to work in her pyjama's all day too. Interestingly enough my father also doesn't understand it. What is it they say about woman marrying men just like their fathers?! Ha...

Anyway, back on point... this week, being the last day of school holidays, and having Neil home, our schedule has been more relaxed and I have had more pyjama creative time. It has been very fruitful!! I'm dying to show you a quilt that I have finished, but the mummy of it's new owner reads my blog, so you'll have to wait until I get back from NZ and it's in its new home. A lot of the other work has been boring work on my website -
But I can show you this:

My pretty {little} purse for my swap partner...
I have to say I'm a little bit intimidated to send this. My partner has quite different taste to me from what I can see, is awesome at sewing, and has quite specific fabric likes - also I'm really new to purses and stuff - so all in all I'm a bit nervous!! But I think I pulled it off. I would be pleased to receive it, so I think that's always a good start!

Here is the back & the bottom:

 

 And tonight I plan to get started on the bag for my Goodie bag swap partner. That will be made in my pyjama's too ;)

If you think I'm crazy - head on over to Marg's blog at Sunshine? Paradise? and check out some other people's creations for Pyjama Party Sunday. Then maybe try it yourself some time and see if you are a convert lol... :)

Happy creating